“Hello. My name is Amy. What do you do?”

The other day I was walking down the street on my 10 minute break from work when I ran into a group of acquaintances I hadn’t seen since graduation. We got to talking and mere seconds had passed when one girl smugly said, “I’ve been up in Matthattan. What are you doing now?” With my brief and simple answer of, “Just working at Starbucks for the moment,” a sudden wave of exposure and inferiority came over. My acquaintance’s look said it all: “Well she really went down hill. I thought she might be somebody.” Walking away I felt frustrated, confused, and, frankly, angry. How could it be that in one simple exchange I could suddenly doubt my worth and who I am? Where did that doubt come from? Think about it. How would you have felt?

Thankfully, one thing that God has really been teaching me is that we are not what we do. Unfortunately, though, this is completely contradictory to everything the world around us says. When you meet somebody, what do you say? “Hello. I’m (your name here). What do you do?” Am I right? As normal and expected as this is, it is absolutely ridiculous. Think about it—asking somebody what they do upon meeting them somehow implies that what we do defines who we are. Therefore, unless we have a shining career, are a sports star, or are at the top of our class, it is easy to feel mediocre at best. This has been a tough lesson for me to learn, because I have lived most of my life finding my worth and defining myself through such accolades. What defines you? School, a career, a certain talent, your appearance, your family role, good deeds, or maybe even your failures? Do you ever feel like you’ll always be lacking something? Believe me when I say that I have been there.

Although all of these things (school, family role, good deeds, career, talents, etc) are important to who we are, they do not define us. Here comes the real truth: In Genesis 1:27, the Word says that we were perfectly created in God’s image. His own image. Even if you have heard this before, have you ever really thought of what that means? Have you even considered that if God perfectly made you in his image, that means that we are his children and don’t need to prove ourselves as anything else to be absolutely invaluable and precious? Certainly we can feel good about certain aspects of our personality or our lives, but our worth is in our very creation. In the very act, we are already 100% approved of, 100% accepted, and 100% loved. It is that simple. All we need to do is receive the approval, acceptance and love that are inseparable from our creation. There is nothing left to prove. So the next time that you find yourself comparing, doubting, or feeling like you are inadequate or not good enough, stop and evaluate what kind of truth you are living under. The kind that tells you that you are what you do and must always be in a struggle to become something bigger or better? Or the kind of truth that says that God is a perfect and wonderful God, whose words are perfect and wonderful, and that you are therefore a wonderfully perfect creation struggling in an imperfect world?

You are already loved. You are already beautiful. You already have more worth than you could ever wrap your mind around. Are you ready to receive and believe it?

Beautiful confusion. What a concept. You are probably wondering what the heck I mean by it or why it somehow is going to define what I write here. For me the answer is simple. That is life. My life. And I’m discovering more and more about it each day.

I have been feeling especially confused lately. You could best describe this period in my life as awkward. I have suddenly gone from a situation of constant activity, living and working with people who are passionate about the same things I am and are at the same point in life, to finding myself at my parents’ house. Period. My lifestyle is in crisis. To make the situation more awkward, I am trying to somehow figure out a “10 month life” for myself as I plan on attending grad school in March. Two steps off the plane and I was hit with the confusion about where to go, what to do, where home was. As much as this time can be painful and scary, I love it because there is absolutely no chance I can deny the fact that my life is confusing. In that, I have learned a lot.

It might sound strange to you that I say that I love the fact of such uncertainty and confusion in my life. I love it because I truly know that there is nothing I can do or plan to “figure it out.” You see, I think we often live our lives making plans, building our security and fall-backs, and “figuring it out.” As someone who has natural capabilities to get by pretty well, it’s easy for me to think that I actually do have control. In times like these, I realize that I actually can’t “figure it out.” Not now. Not in the past. Not ever. Sound depressing? I’m OVERJOYED!

In realization of my weakness, I have discovered God’s power and provision. I have discovered that God not only accepts that I haven’t figured out my life, but actually prefers that I don’t try. I know that this is SO hard to believe in a culture and world that tells us that we need to forge our own futures and write our paths. God tells us that HE is our future and that if we remain in him he takes on the burden of paving our paths one step at a time in harmony with his perfect will. The pressure is off. The burden is lifted. We can live in peace and find real rest.
I’ll leave you with something I read in Ecclesiastes today that really speaks to this:

Since no man knows the future, who can tell him what is to come? No man has power over the wind to contain it; so no one has power over the day of his death. Ecclesiastes 8:7-8
So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life god has given him under the sun. Ecclesiastes 8:15

We don’t, won’t, and can’t know our futures…stop wearing yourself out trying to figure it out! Instead, find rest that God does know and is sovereign over all. Instead, enjoy what He puts in front of you everyday and cling to His promise to give you life to the fullest. God is good. Life is sweet. Confusion is beautiful.