Two Hearts

Hi all. This is a different kind of post. It's actually a poem I wrote while in Chile about the father heart of God. Thought I would put it out there for Father's day...

Two Hearts

Two hearts living in rhythm. One beat. One heart.

Perfect love, inconceivable trust

Warmth, unity, joy, peace

Two hearts se p a r a t i n g, a dark smoke creeping in

Lies, hatred, hurt, despair

Pride, blame, wounds build

One heart struggling to beat at all

unloved, without hope, self-destructing, orphaned

numbed to the pain, blinded to the light

One heart beating passionately. dying to be heard

I love. I heal. I give. I break.

Let me hold you and reveal your extravagant inheritance

One heart broken. the flatline is near.

I can't feel. I can't think. I can't love. I can't live.

Why can't I keep everything (myself) from falling apart?

One heart broken. A child has been lost.

You are beautiful. I love you. I will never fade or fail.

Why not let me peel away the chains that suffocate?

LIES

replaced with

TRUTH

WOUNDS

healed with

LOVE

Pride fallen. Callouses smoothed.

BITTERNESS

turned into

SWEET-TASTING MERCY

revolutionary restoration comes in and life begins.

Two hearts living in rhythm. One beat. One heart.

Perfect love, inconceivable trust

warmth. unity. joy. peace.

Wow! You're SO lucky!

Over the last few years I have lived a less than ordinary life. I have spent a lot of time seeing the world, studying/living in different countries, making extremely diverse friendships and connections, and finding myself facing incredible opportunities. If I had a dime for every time I heard, "Wow! You're SO lucky!" I'd be a whole lot richer than my bank account currently shows.

Although the typical response to my life seems reasonable enough, I am more and more convinced that luck has nothing to do with it. In fact, reflecting on my life and who I am, it seems to me that anyone could experience life the way I do. Think about it: on paper I am nothing extraordinary. I have no sustainable career/income, no life savings, and no great title or position to my name. I could very easily convince myself that I am entirely ordinary. Unexceptional. A nobody. It is just a matter of choice.

How is it, then, that a little "nobody" like me could be considered so exceptionally "lucky"? What is the choice that leads me there?

The more I reflect, the more I see a pattern surface. God opens doors in my life--in all of our lives--and I/we can choose whether or not to walk through them with steps of faith. I think that sometimes it is easy to look from afar and say, "Well that could never work for me" or "If only I could do that," but the truth is that we all have the option of saying "yes" when out of the ordinary experiences/opportunities are placed before us.

One step through the door, God sweeps you off your feet and places you on a path far more glorious than anything you could plan out for yourself because it does not come from you. His ways, plans, and vision of possibility are so much greater than what we could ever see or imagine. It just takes that initial step of faith (which is admittedly scary and feels so uncertain), and then the multiplication of blessings and opportunities begins. I say multiplication because I have found that the more often I take a step of faith into an unknown realm in my life, God continues me moving forward revealing each step of the way his blessing and glory which otherwise would go undetected by my mortal eyes.

This theory makes a lot of sense looking at how God has worked in history. Joseph went from a state of abandonment and slavery to finding favor and then ruling with Egypt's pharaoh. Nehemiah found himself in the privileged position of cup-bearer to the Persian king (Israel's enemy), through which God led him to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem and bring people back to Him. Daniel found favor with the king of Babylon and was protected and promoted in spite of his "unacceptable" and dangerous faith. Notice a pattern? These heroes all went from a lowly, hopeless place according to what the human eye can see to finding favor with people in high places, through which God worked wonders for his glory. Why should it be any different for us?

So I am left pondering what it really means to win favor with God and men when faith, not sight determines the steps I take. I ponder what the world would look like if we truly believed that God wants to and can use ordinary men to do extraordinary things. Dare I consider that all of my "luck" is actually part of such a design?

I choose yes. But I also dare to believe that I am not alone in this process. I dare to believe that there's a whole world and life of blessing and riches waiting for us all. All it takes is a choice and a step of faith, which is in its definition "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Hebrews 11:1).

To what end?

As much as I have loved my first few days in Chicago, I have found myself facing an interesting paradox. You see, my primary reason for the move revolved around making money to fund my grad school education. So I had contacted all my contacts, sought out all the part-time opportunities I could think of, and set myself up to “make the most” out of my time here. The more the better, right? So I landed in the Great Plains thrilled with the amount of work (and therefore money) I had ahead of me. Certainly my time would be a huge success.

Confronting my new reality has caused me to go into some soul-searching. Although I had a schedule brimming with hours “on the clock,” I felt a real emptiness and darkness about it all. As I delved into this discontent, I started to ask myself “to what end?” To what end did all of this work and money really amount to? What was I striving for? Here’s where my paradox comes in: although I moved in order to make money, it has become clear that money cannot be the end that I seek.

I discussed situation with a wise, honest, friend who pointed me in the direction of Isaiah 55. Suddenly I didn’t feel so crazy about my dissatisfaction. Suddenly my “end” became crystal clear. In the passage, God basically gives four clear commands to those seeking for an “end.” He says, “Come. Hear. Seek. See.” Come in your poverty and eat what is good. “Why spend money on what is not bread and your labor on what does not satisfy.” Listen and hear and “your soul will delight in the richest fare.” See that he has “endowed you with splendor.” Seek the Lord while he is here because his thoughts are higher than your thoughts, his ways higher than your ways. What is the end in all of this? “You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace…Instead of the thornbrush will grow the pine tree; instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed.”

Two things stand out to me as I apply Isaiah 55 to my own life:

1. Although the passage does not exactly pertain to money, there is a more than ironic emphasis on riches. Yes, money is important to me right now because I cannot escape the fact of having to pay for grad school. BUT, no amount of money I earn will ever lead to true wealth. My labor simply will not satisfy with monetary wealth as an end.
2. The alternative end suggested is unique in that it is eternal. It is more than being able to pay a tuition check or by my flight across the Atlantic. It is eternal joy, peace, and abundance of life.

Perhaps I felt empty looking at all of my work because I knew deep down that what I really needed was something eternal. The bills must get paid. The forethought must be considered. But ultimately my first priority must always remain “Come. Hear. Seek. See.” And in that God will unfailingly work out the details in ways higher than I could imagine and endows to me “with splendor” an abundance that money could never buy.