Beautiful Confusion

Real Life. Real Truth.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Without a threat in sight

Today I found myself reading a scene very familiar to me. Jesus stands before Pilate as he receives his death sentence. Although he has committed no crime, he attempts no defense. He makes no effort at all to save himself. In fact, he doesn’t even show signs of desperation or pending doom. I don’t know about you, but to me this is pretty remarkable, if not crazy. Apparently Pilate was right there with me because he incredulously asks Jesus if he is going to say anything, and reminds him that he is “determining Jesus’ fate” at that very moment. Here Jesus speaks with words more bewildering than his initial silence. He says, “You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above.”

Wow.

Like Pilate, both Jesus’ silence and words throw me through a loop. By all earthly logic, Jesus has absolutely no reason to proceed to his capital punishment in total confidence, assuredness, and security. By all logic, the man is finished. His response simply does not make sense. Where in the world did it come from?
Perhaps the answer is as simple as saying that Jesus has his mind and eyes set on something higher. Maybe he maintains such composure and sturdiness in the midst of his circumstances because the fate of his life and purpose are rooted in something beyond the physical world that we live in. This theory makes a lot of sense considering another puzzling statement Jesus makes in the garden when the guards come for his arrest. He says, “My kingdom doesn’t consist of what you see around you. If it did, my followers would fight so that I wouldn’t be handed over to the Jews. But I’m not that kind of a king, not the world’s kind of king.” Jesus sees no need for physical retaliation to physical threat because the situation in no way threatens the throne he claims, which is in the spiritual realm. His mission, identity, and reign go so incredibly beyond what we can see. Thank God that he knew that.

Although it’s sometimes difficult for me to understand Jesus’ actions, I am OK with accepting that they reflect his belonging to a heavenly realm. After all, he is God. But what happens if take all of the thoughts I’ve just expressed and apply them to Jesus’ declaration that “[You are] not of the world any more than I am of the world”? What am I supposed to do with that?!

If I am not of this world any more than Jesus, shouldn’t my response to circumstances and threats be like his? Doesn’t it mean that I should be living in a reality which is greater than that of the physical world? Shouldn’t I stand with the same assuredness as Jesus regardless of my life circumstances? How is it that I can feel so threatened? I pray for my eyes, heart, and mind to open up to a greater reality. I want to set my sight on something so much greater than the here and now.

Finishing the story of Jesus’ crucifixion I read of Pilate insisting on writing Jesus a plaque which named him King of the Jews. His guards stand stunned, if not angered, but Pilate insists. Something happened between the time of Pilate’s interrogation of Jesus and Jesus’ death. Could it be that Pilate, like me, came to the conclusion that the only logical explanation for Jesus’ behavior is that he was actually who he said he was? I think so.

I am so thankful for what I read today, because for the first time I realized how important Pilate is. Not only does he strengthen my belief in Jesus as Christ, but he also dares me to consider my own life. What if I, like Jesus, can live in such a way which points to something greater? What if God really can open my eyes, heart, and mind to the reality of the kingdom I really belong to? Maybe then I, too, would maintain this composure and security shown by Jesus. Maybe in that, I would get a taste of real glory because it glorifies the kingdom of the One deserving of glory. Could it be?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The beauty of being available

The title of this entry explains well the reason why I have not written in such a long time. Simply stated, I have not been available. I'm sure you've all been there: the tasks pile up, the schedules fill, and life passes by a mile a minute. Some call it efficient. I call it frenetic. I think that it's easy to get swept up in this fast paced world to the point where we're literally running to get to one place to the next. That's what I've been struggling with lately, but it's also what's about to end.

Lately God's been telling me loud and clear that I need to slow down and that I need to be available. One experience in particular has really impressed this upon my heart. Allow me to tell you about Evan*.

A couple of weeks ago I got a call from a friend who was having a rough time and really wanted me to meet up with her and a friend downtown. To tell you the truth, I was less than willing. I was drained emotionally, physically, and spiritually. All I wanted to do was crawl up in my bed, but I could tell that my friend was in need. Deciding to push my exhaustion aside, I hopped in a cab and met up with my friends. Shortly after my arrival, we decided to leave to grab a bite to eat. Walking down the street we passed a young man who was panhandling when something inside of me snapped. I turned to my friends, looked them square in the eye and said, "Stop. We're going to feed this kid."

Turning back to the young man, I looked in his eyes, asked if he was hungry, and invited him along to the restaurant. Here's where we formed a relationship with Evan. Spending a good hour or so over the course of a meal, we heard Evan's story. He is twenty years old, from the suburbs, and has been on the streets with his sister ever since his mom died and the duo fled from their abusive alcoholic father. Evan spends his day begging in attempts to get enough change to pay for a cheap motel for the night and provide for his sister. Some days they make it. Others they sleep on Lower Wacker Drive. Evan expressed wanting more than anything to work and have a real life, but honestly he looked too dirty to get a job.

Getting to know Evan, my friends and I didn't want to leave him just as hopeless as we had met him. The very least we could do was offer him our friendship and enough money for a room for the night. My girlfriend even promised to get him new clothes. We gave him a phone number, as well as the address of our church, where we meet every Sunday afternoon to hang out before service. Saying our good-byes, all we could do was pray that we'd see him again.

God's hand starting becoming evident the next day when my friend found himself (truly without realizing what he was doing) wandering along the river after his meeting was randomly cancelled. Who did he bump into but Evan. A few days later, this same friend walked by the train just at the moment when Evan was walking down. On Sunday, my friend got an inkling to hop in his car and look for Evan. Seconds later, he pulled up beside our new friend. Let me pause and just say that Chicago is a VERY big city. Too big for these encounters to be counted as coincidence.

As the two guys headed northbound I got a call: "Amy. I am in the car with EVAN! Do you have any food you could give him?" As it turns out, I had closed at Starbucks the night before, which I rarely do, and couldn't bring myself to throw out all of the day's left-over food. That night, I searched for homeless people to feed and found none. The next morning I searched again and found none. Here I was frustrated at not finding homeless to feed when my friend called and asked if I happened to have any food I could give Evan. Amazing.

The guys pulled up at my house and I had more clothes and food than I knew what to do with. Evan was overwhelmed. We ended up having a great afternoon together and made plans to meet again.

Since that time, we have "bumped" into Evan a few more times, fixed him up with a cell phone, and are working on getting him a job. We don't really know what to do or what's going to happen, but God's hand in the process is undeniable.

In one young man's life, God has opened my eyes to the power of being available. Evan now has far more than clean clothes to wear and a phone to call with. He has hope and friends he can call on. And the beauty is that all I did was be available. God spoke and I was available to hear.

I shudder thinking at the amount of times God has probably been speaking and I've just been to rushed, too busy, too laser-focused on my schedule to hear. How much glory have I missed out on? It is amazing what God can and will do through us if we make ourselves available to him. Maybe this is what Jesus meant when he rebuked his disciples saying, "Do you not say, 'Four months more and then the harvest'? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest." I'm pretty sure that I often don't reap the harvest because my eyes are not open.

I challenge you to think about your life and how available you are. Is there room to really see the world around you, or do you, like me, often rush through life and see it all as a blur? With availability and clear vision, the possibilities for God's power to work through your life are truly unlimited. Dare to believe it and open your eyes to see it!