Where's the hope in the hopeless silence?

Don’t you just hate the moments of silence and uncertainty in your life? Do you ever feel like you are in desperate need for direction or a solution and none is in sight? Do you ever even cry out to God in such moments and feel like He just leaves you hanging? I’m sure that all of you, like me, have experienced this desperation at some point or another. Just consider the following examples: you have a very big decision that needs to happen now and you feel like you have no idea which way to turn; circumstances around you show that resources (be it time, people, money, etc) are running out and you feel hopeless looking for a solution; it seems that the whole world has turned its back on you and there’s absolutely no one coming to your rescue. The list truly could go on for pages.

Here’s the real kicker: in your moment of desperation you cry out to God and hear nothing but silence. What do you do with that?

Personally, I have struggled, even felt disturbed in such times. I read something the other day that admittedly disturbed me even further. In Acts 24-25, I read of Paul (great hero/defender of Jesus) under trial for his beliefs. Basically, the priests and Romans keep on passing him on to different religious and political rulers to make his defense and await his sentence. On trial in Caesarea, Paul faces Felix and frustrates him in a big way. Felix gets pretty irked/angered by Paul and basically tells him that he can’t deal with the issue at the moment and will have to get to him later. Two sentences later the trial continues on and Paul makes an appeal to Caesar—a seemingly normal train of events for a political trial.

But in the one sentence gap between Felix’s frustration and Paul’s appeal to Caesar, I happened upon the source of my shock and disquiet: Paul got left in prison for TWO YEARS. No trials. No big works. Nothing. Just two years in prison. Silence.

Although I had read through Acts many times before, this time I stopped in my tracks as I considered the overwhelming despair of silence Paul must have faced. I have no doubt that in his shoes, I would doubt absolutely everything I ever believed and everything I stood for. He was on trial for professing the name of Jesus. If his message really was truth, surely he wouldn’t just get left in prison for two years, right? Surely God would not just let him sit there. Surely, if God truly were leading his path, Paul would have found a way out in a reasonable amount of time.

Apparently, whether or not Paul asked these questions, his experience in the silence brought him to different conclusions about God than those I know my mind would deduce. I say this because of the statements Paul makes as his trial continues. Whereas I would be either defeated or desperate to retract all I had ever said, Paul stands up and says, “I consider myself fortunate to stand before you today as I make my defense […] And now it is because of my hope in what God has promised our fathers that I am on trial today.”

Paul considered all of this a privilege? He still spoke of hope? Where in the world did this crazy talk come from?

Based on the circumstances of Paul’s life/trials, and his responses to them, it seems clear to me that Paul’s experience with God revealed purpose and vision which far exceeded what we can ascertain with the naked eye and human logic. He saw a hope and a glory that made him so rock solid that he came out of two years of silence in prison even more passionate about his faith than before he entered. Why doesn’t this happen to us in times of silence? Why do we normally conclude that either God did not speak, did not listen, or that he is not faithful?

I think that living in a world where high priority is put on speed and convenience, we come to expect God to intervene at the very moment of our cry. Essentially we make the same conclusion about God as we do a fast food restaurant that fails to deliver a burger in 5 minutes or less—we conclude that something must be wrong. The only problem is that God never was or operated like a fast food restaurant. In fact, He never claimed anything even similar. He promises to listen, to deliver, to uphold, and to provide, but never makes mention of working the way we see convenient, logical, or most fit. Whether or not we feel secure in this does not change the trustworthiness of who he is. That’s where we err. We get so fixed in our conditioned understanding of how things should progress (timing, details, etc.) that we write God off when he doesn’t conform.

Could it be that maybe we feel so hopeless in the silence not because of God’s unfaithfulness, but because of our lack of faith to trust Him for his promises rather than in our human conceptions of time and deliverance?

I think that Paul faced two years of inaction and came out more hopeful because he trusted in that which was True rather than that which he could view. He cried out, saw no fruits for two years, and came out stronger because He actually believed God to be who he said He was, rather than who he thought He should be.

Whether you have faced a great silence, face one now, or will face one in the future, I challenge you to consider Paul’s journey. When you find yourself crying out to God in desperation, ask yourself in whose image of God you trust. May you cling to God for His promises without putting on your own conditions, and may you, like Paul, find great hope in the most hopeless of times.

Emily's Story

This week I am going to steal from someone else’s life to tell a story that can’t help but touch you in some way. Let’s call this friend Emily.

Emily’s life story is an incredible one. In many ways, it is the very definition of the American Dream. At the tender age of 13, Emily found herself without parents and fending for herself in the third world. Through sheer determination and personal strength, Emily got herself to the states at 17 seeking an education and a better life. Eventually, she saw her way through grad school and landed a job unthinkable for someone from her circumstances. By the end of her 20’s, Emily had arrived. Educated. Rich. Independent. Impressive. By all means I could end the story right here and we’d have the quintessential American fairy tale and it’s TRUE. What a life!

Without a doubt, all outer appearances suggest that Emily had everything she needed for a fantastic life. She had obtained “security” and “success” despite all odds, right? One would think. But the shocking truth behind the good job, sweet ride, and prominence in her field was that Emily had never felt so dead. So dead, in fact, that she became overwhelmed with a feeling of darkness. What happened? What was this even possible? Didn’t she have all that she had ever wanted? All that she had worked for? Emily had truly fulfilled all of her dreams, yet had never felt further from full.

In the darkness, God reached out. Not only did He surround Emily with a super-human love, but He gave her a taste of the real life he has in store when Emily made a radical move—resigning from her 6-figure position without another job offer in sight. Sound crazy? Sound foolish? Sound like throwing it all away? By all earthly logic, that’s just what happened. But Emily’s vision and logic were lifted to something higher. Emily saw the reality of Matthew 16:26’s prophetic words: “What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?” In one radical wave, Emily realized that chasing the numbers and chasing the promise of the American Dream, she had lost her soul.

Here’s a snapshot of Emily’s life today: no job offer; no income; no stability, right? On the contrary. Emily has never been more stable in her life, because she is discovering her security in the one thing that never fails—God’s promise to care for our every need and bring us freedom. Where Emily once found herself slave to her chase, she now experiences a true freedom to receive life to the full. But what about the job? What about the bills, food, health? Emily’s not a fool—she knows the needs that undeniably exist in this world. But she is experiencing a power, a peace, and a provision that answer every “what if” question with “then God.”

Finding rest in God’s sovereignty, Emily is forever changed. She does not yet know the details of what her life will look like, but she strongly senses God using the culmination of her life’s experiences and trials to bring her a life vision and mission. And that is all the security she needs.