It's Not About Me: Exchanging Glory

First of all, sorry for such an incredibly wide gap since my last post. International travel, work, and crazy life circumstances have unfortunately taken over my world. It feels good to be back!

In these few months of (blog) silence, I have encountered a lot of trials--relationships/"securities" in my life falling apart left and right. Time and again, I have found myself in desperate need of wisdom. What do you do when everything seems to be spinning out of control? If you're anything like me, you take the weight of the world on your shoulders, looking to yourself to figure it out. You desperately try to fix the issues in your life and recreate a sense of calm. So you stretch, struggle, worry, and weep, giving all that you can to "make things OK" and maintain control. And if you're anything like me, the result is always the same--unresolved or further strained trials, a lingering sense of despair, and the eating sensation that you have failed everyone and everything.

In the end, my attempts to fight my battles and generate answers lead me to incredible self-centered. All I can see is my pain, my problems. I become overwhelmed. How can this be? Isn't it noble to care enough to do all that you can to make things better in bold confrontation of problems? All of my care/attempts seem good and well, but I so quickly forget one critical detail--in my battle to bring light and triumph to dark situations, I act as if I am the source of light and triumph. In essence, I look to myself as the source of glory.

The other day, I read Psalm 89, where David discusses having come out of a time of trial. As I read, David stopped me in my tracks saying, "Blessed are those who learn to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O Lord...they rejoice in your name all day long...for you are their glory and their strength."

Why was it that my trials had me feeling defeated and caught up in negative self-focus, whereas David's trials led him to exalt God's name? One simple detail. He realized that God wasn't just there to give him strength and glory, but that God was his strength and glory. That subtlety makes all the difference in the world. It makes me think that maybe I should try a new strategy in the face of trial: spending more time simply acclaiming God's name and seeking his presence and less time focusing on what I can do and which conclusions I can make. It makes me think that then I will not only be blessed with deliverance, but find the strength and glory I desire and desperately need. The exchange must be made--my despair for his strength, my glory for His.