The Climb

Excuse me in advance if this entry seems even cheesier than my usual writing already is, but I recently came upon a real-life analogy for God’s will that is too good to not document. It’s a story about a mountain climb—bottom to top. Here we go.

A few weeks ago my friends and I were looking for a little adventure and nature-time, which led us to trek out to Turin’s closest mountain, located at the foothills of the Valle d’Aosta. We arrived eager and ready to take on our “moderate 2 hour” climb to the top of the mountain. While our climb was nothing like the leisurely, care-free trek we had envisioned, it served as a striking metaphor for understanding how God reveals His will to us.

If you’re anything like me, you can spend much time and energy trying to discern God’s path for your life. You want to know what the journey will look like, where it will lead you, and how you will move along. The more you know, the more you can prepare yourself, right? Well if you’re anything like me, you also know that the harder you try to come to the point of such preparation, the more clearly you see that the “trail notes” are not always so easy to figure out. This can lead to great frustration with God—after all you only want to please him and make sure that you are walking along the right path. How could He leave you so blind? I hope this literal example of my mountain climb helps bring you some perspective on this very real, very human struggle.

Making the journey up the mountain, my friends and I had very little choice in methodology---the path was so steep that we literally had to focus ONLY on making the next best step, otherwise we would fall. So that’s what we did—step by slippery step we continued to climb. It was a question of mere survival. Although our focus was zeroed in on determining each step, we naturally made periodical glances up to the summit (ironically a cross) to ensure we were headed toward the goal. We did not know the path, but taking each immediate best step with the goal in mind, we were able to move forward with a certain peace, having trust that you are headed on the right path.

One more striking element of our literal climb was that we could not see the details of the path even if we tried. Again I see parallels to the story of my life… Nevertheless, every now and then we would realize that we had come to a breath-taking view—a glimpse of glory, so to speak. In those moments we became flooded with the joy of the journey and gained reassurance of the goodness of the path we were on, even though we couldn’t see where exactly it would lead.

After hours of our long, challenging, unpredictable ascent, we reached the summit. There, at the cross, we realized immediately why it was for our own good that we did not know the path details in advance—if we had known how long, windy, and steep the path was, we wouldn’t have even thought it possible to complete.

How much does this parallel the road-map of our lives?! The only way to really stay on the path it to focus purely on the immediate step ahead while keeping the goal in mind. Why is it that we think we can handle more? Maybe just like the path, discerning steps should be a matter of mere survival. When we try to look too far ahead we tend to fall and ultimately back-track. Maybe the journey could be defined by steady peace if we walked that way, with trust in our ultimate direction. Maybe the knowledge of the path’s details is more than that which we can handle and would paralyze us in self defeat. Maybe God is so good, and wants so badly for us to reach the goal (perfect harmony with Christ—eternal life here and now) that he’ll put up with our fits and complaints as he lovingly limits our line of vision to the immediate future.

A Few Promises to be Thankful For

For a while now I have found myself often thanking God that He is faithful to His promises for my life. Regardless of this praise, I recently realized that I rarely stop to consider what those promises actually are. So this past week I decided to document all of the promises I came across in my daily time in the Word. I did not specifically search for anything or change my habits in any way--I simply documented what God said. Reflecting on my list this morning, I felt inspired to share what one small week of promises looks like. I hope the list blesses you as much as it has blessed me. What a crazy, beautiful life He has for us!

1. To fulfill His words (Isaiah 55:10-11)
2. I can let go of my anxieties and cast them all on him because He cares for me perfectly (1 Peter 5:7)
3. To be with me and keep me wherever I go (Gen. 28:15)
4. To promote me in His time--I can therefore be content with who and where I am right now (1 Peter 5:6)
5. To never leave my side until He finishes all he has told me (Gen. 28:16)
6. My life is determined by my relationship with Him, NOT by what I can see (2 Cor. 5:7)
7. To keep me in His way and give me food and clothing (Gen 28:20)
8. That my times are in His hands (Psalm 31:14)
9. That in His presence I am hidden from the plots of men (Ps. 31:20)
10. His word is written on my heart (Deuteronomy 6:6)
11. He knows every hair on my head and cares for my needs (Matthew 10:29-31)
12. Grace extends and my life of thanksgiving increases--I need not ever lose heart (2 Cor. 4:15)
13. In affliction, God prepares us for inconceivable glory (2 Cor. 4:18)
14. He will supply to the full our every need (Phil. 4:19)
15. I am maintained in love and can fully know God (Colossians 2:2)
16. We know the mystery and will know the riches and treasures of Glory (Col. 2:3)
17. God is with me and I will never be dismayed; He holds me up with his right hand (Isaiah 41:10)
18. God searches me and knows my heart (Psalm 139: 1)
19. Any where I go, His right hand will lead and hold me--even my darkness is light to Him (Psalm 139:10)
20. The test of my faith produces steadfastness, which produces complete joy (James 1:1-2)
21. He is my refuge and gives me a feast of abundance in His house; we see light in His light (Psalm 39:7-8)
22. Having faith is the foundation under everything and makes life worth living (Hebrews 11:1)
23. We don't know our hearts or how to pray, but the Holy Spirit intercedes for us and knows us perfectly (Romans 8:26)
24. God works out ALL things for my good (Romans 8:28)
25. God's purposes cannot be thwarted (Job 42:2)

JUST ONE WEEK!  Imagine a year, a lifetime...

A Song: You Do (Know)

I don't know what came over me today but I got inspired and wrote a song. Hope you like it--or the lyrics anyways!

YOU DO (Know)

So much striving, what is it for?
Think I can do, be, accomplish more
Is this who I am, what I'm worth?
Please tell me it's not up to me.

My legs keep on running, I feel I can beat
This world that is slipping out under my feet.
If I push hard enough can I conquer this life?
What happens if I fall?

(chorus)
Oh I want to lose control
Just let all of it go
I want my soul to know...
You do.

If I say that my life comes down to grace
Why do I try to earn everyone's embrace?
I give. I fight. I try. I resist.
As if the ultimate failure were trust

My heart's being pulled--it makes me fear
I can't get a grip on what I think and hear
What are these voices? Where is the truth?
Will I ever make sense of my self?

(chorus)
Oh I want to lose control
Just let all of it go
I want my soul to know...
You do.


So much weight. So many cares.
As I hold it all my body wears
Yet I keep the load--seems to be no other choice
What would happen if I didn't carry the world?

I want to be good. I want love to flow.
So I push and fight trying to make it grow
Yet I feel defeated. I'm never enough.
Is there anything more I can do?

(chorus)
Oh I want to lose control
Just let all of it go
I want my soul to know...
You do.

(bridge)
What if it were not up to me?
That in letting it go, I could be free--
From the pressure, the failure, the weakness, the stress
My heart skips a beat longing for this hope
Yet I somehow feel it's still tied with a rope
to my mind, my strength, my desire to reign
How do I give it to you?
Make me give it to you.

(chorus)
Oh I want to lose control
Just let all of it go
I want my soul to know...
You do.

You tell me, "I've got control."
You say, "Just let it all go."
You break me so my soul knows...
You do.

You do.

The Grand Adventure

To call my life an adventure might be one of the biggest understatements of the century. Constantly I find myself in new and unconventional places, situations, cultures, and groups of people. There really is never a dull moment. Lately, especially, I have been in a period of non-stop travel and exploration. Time and again people tell me, “I’m so jealous! It must be nice to travel the world! I would never get to do that!”

Largely, what I hear makes a lot of sense—I am exceptionally blessed and rich in experience, after all. Lately, though, something hasn’t sat quite right within me. I find myself anxious or regretful if I am not doing something new and exciting at every moment. Contentment does not always seem within reach.

How can it be that I, an individual who at 25 years has seen more of the world than most cover in a lifetime, can still feel like I’m missing out? In this struggle for contentment, God has spoken. In the restlessness of my heart and mind He keeps showing me that I am looking in the wrong places. In all of my adventure, I keep falling into the trap of looking to a certain place or certain experience to bring me to the contentment my soul longs for. I have found myself at a point where often my travel, experience, cultures, and exploration become my life. At the end of the day these things cannot bring me the life I desire.

King David says that “My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with full lips when I meditate on you, for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wing I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” (Psalm 63:5-6)
Funnily enough, he doesn’t mention that when he has rich foods, or when he visits a new place, or when he has a certain job, or when he has a certain relationship will his soul find satisfaction. David’s soul, unlike mine (all too often) clings to one thing and one thing alone—the God who satisfies without fail, regardless of circumstance.

So what about you? Are you content? Is your heart and mind at rest regardless of the circumstances of your life? If not, like me, you may need to check in on what your soul clings to. Is it adventure? Or maybe a career, or a family, or a relationship, or money? It really doesn’t matter—only one thing will give you what you actually long for. The God whose “steadfast love is better than life.” Clinging to Him and Him alone, you will find real peace, joy, and contentment that nothing in this world can offer, no matter how exciting or successful your life may be. And that is the Grand Adventure I'm after!

With Nothing to Hold On To

I’ve decided that grad-school is not a good enough excuse for my blogging hiatus—God is saying and doing too many things not to share. I hope you’ll be blessed.

Once again, my life stands at a crossroads in many ways. At this point, I truly don’t have anything to hold on to: no family of my own, no career, no home, no fixed community, etc. I find myself without any of the securities which normally mark maturity, success, or stability. By all worldly logic, I need to “get my act together” and “figure things out”—I am lost. I admit, I struggle with these thoughts on a daily basis. Here I am nearly 25 years old, and still all of the big question marks remain. It’s high time I grew up, right?

Regardless of this very logical conclusion I have come to, God tells me something very different on a daily basis. Something which at times terrifies me and at others floods me with comfort and excitement. It can all be summed up in one verse: “You are for my glory…that you may know Me, believe Me, remain steadfast in Me, and understand that I am He.” (Isaiah 43:10)

When I live frantic about finding my “home,” career, family, community, etc. I deny God’s and my own identity. In seeking to “secure” these things, I am not living as one made for God’s glory, but as one seeking to build up her own kingdom.

So what do I do? Surely I cannot deny that we all need homes, jobs, and families. Where does this fact fit into living as one created for God’s glory? In the verse above, God says that all I need to do is remain steadfast in Him and understand that He is who he says he is—Almighty God, merciful provider, loving Father, King of kings, Sovereign of the world—He works out my life because it’s actually not about me. I am not the sovereign, glorious One no matter how often I live otherwise.

Seeking God’s face, maybe I can start to understand that “it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose” (Phil. 2: 11) Simply stated, I leave all of my question marks to him to determine. I surrender.

That great, but you still don’t have a job, family, or home, you say. In His time, in His way, by His grace. Because what God seems to be shouting at me at this point is, “Don’t you see? You’re in the best place you can be—make the most of it! Right now you have nothing to hold on to but Me. As I lead you and fill in the gaps in your life, continue to live that way…ALWAYS, for I am your stronghold. I am your dwelling place.”

So here I am, praying for open doors and learning how sweet of a dwelling place and glorious position I already have—one that far outweighs any place, career, or person God will ever lead me to. According to King David’s advise, I am not going to freak out or try to build the walls of my own kingdom, but “hold onto God for dear life” trusting that “He’ll give me the best care if I’ll only know and trust Him” (Ps. 91:14). And crazy as it may sounds, I hope to always and forever live that way.

To Know Nothing Else

Of all the immeasurably beautiful things said in the Bible, one simple phrase sticks out to me as being the key to my life. It’s not a beautiful promise. It’s no song of praise. It involves no deep revelation. Only a solemn goal. One phrase to live by. “I resolve to know nothing but Christ and him crucified” 1 Cor 2:2. Sounds kind of strange—that the knowledge of a gory, pitiful, even embarrassing death could become my mantra.

I’ve been thinking about these words a lot lately, partially because Easter calls to mind Jesus’ death and resurrection, but mostly because God keeps on confronting me with the fact that I don’t actually live as if my “favorite” words were true. If I truly resolved to know nothing but Christ and him crucified, the knowledge of Jesus’ death and resurrection would be all I ever needed. So when I live as if I need to know my future, or what certain circumstances and relationships are going to be like, my reality is that Jesus really isn’t enough for me. In a way, I cheapen his death. I cheapen God’s love.

If the reality of my life is that I often find myself “needing” to know a lot more than Christ, I have to question why I proclaim 1 Cor. 2:2 as the mission of my life. Why am I so drawn to those words and what could they mean for me? I need to reevaluate for myself what is the knowledge of Jesus, his death, and resurrection.

Jesus: the son of God who came to earth as a love-offering so that sinful people like me could have a relationship with a loving, all-knowing, sovereign God. He is called “the Good shepherd,” “God with us,” “Prince of Peace,” “Redeemer of the world,” “Healer,” “Teacher,” “Brother,” “Giver of Life”

His Death: Hated, rejected, abandoned, misunderstood, and unaccepted by the whole world, He submitted himself to the harshest capital punishment. Being led to the cross, Jesus went “with joy” and did not utter one word of defense or turn against anyone in hatred or bitterness.

His Resurrection: Not only did Jesus himself rise to Heaven, but in doing so he made a way for us to rise and be seated “on heavenly places” with him---right here, right now. With His death, my sinful flesh died too and Jesus now lives in me. Because of this, the same power that conquered the grave is within me and I can live lacking nothing.

Reflecting on these three elements right now, I have to admit that I am amazed—that three basic summaries can say so much about who God is and what he desires for my life. I see that in knowing Jesus, his death, and his resurrection, I can be lead continually by a loving hand through a dark and confusing world. I can have a heart, body, and mind healed and renewed. I can live at peace regardless of circumstance. I can find full security, even if everybody else in the world rejects, misunderstands, hates, and abandons me. I can overcome sin, selfishness, and urges to defend myself or be right. I can learn how to love in a way that surpasses human ability, comprehension or merit. I can actively see and experience glory while here on earth. I can live never wanting, regardless of life circumstances. The list could go on and on, couldn’t it? I think I can sum it up in saying that in the knowledge of Christ, his death, and resurrection, I can live knowing that I don’t have to worry about myself or my life because all that I have and am is in the hands of One far greater than me. Maybe that’s why Paul felt the need to remind us (and perhaps himself) that all we need to do is resolve to know nothing but Christ. All the rest is just details.

As you go into this Easter weekend, I encourage you to take a moment and evaluate Jesus’ death and resurrection and what they mean in your own life. Are you OK with knowing nothing else, or, like me, does your reality often say that Jesus isn’t enough? Thankfully, our hypocrisy does not actually change who God is or what He is doing in our lives. It does not change the fact that whether or not we realize or accept it, He is calling us to a banquet feast, where we sit on high at his table, fueled for a life of abundance. May we all meet each other there this Easter.

It's Not About Me: Exchanging Glory

First of all, sorry for such an incredibly wide gap since my last post. International travel, work, and crazy life circumstances have unfortunately taken over my world. It feels good to be back!

In these few months of (blog) silence, I have encountered a lot of trials--relationships/"securities" in my life falling apart left and right. Time and again, I have found myself in desperate need of wisdom. What do you do when everything seems to be spinning out of control? If you're anything like me, you take the weight of the world on your shoulders, looking to yourself to figure it out. You desperately try to fix the issues in your life and recreate a sense of calm. So you stretch, struggle, worry, and weep, giving all that you can to "make things OK" and maintain control. And if you're anything like me, the result is always the same--unresolved or further strained trials, a lingering sense of despair, and the eating sensation that you have failed everyone and everything.

In the end, my attempts to fight my battles and generate answers lead me to incredible self-centered. All I can see is my pain, my problems. I become overwhelmed. How can this be? Isn't it noble to care enough to do all that you can to make things better in bold confrontation of problems? All of my care/attempts seem good and well, but I so quickly forget one critical detail--in my battle to bring light and triumph to dark situations, I act as if I am the source of light and triumph. In essence, I look to myself as the source of glory.

The other day, I read Psalm 89, where David discusses having come out of a time of trial. As I read, David stopped me in my tracks saying, "Blessed are those who learn to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O Lord...they rejoice in your name all day long...for you are their glory and their strength."

Why was it that my trials had me feeling defeated and caught up in negative self-focus, whereas David's trials led him to exalt God's name? One simple detail. He realized that God wasn't just there to give him strength and glory, but that God was his strength and glory. That subtlety makes all the difference in the world. It makes me think that maybe I should try a new strategy in the face of trial: spending more time simply acclaiming God's name and seeking his presence and less time focusing on what I can do and which conclusions I can make. It makes me think that then I will not only be blessed with deliverance, but find the strength and glory I desire and desperately need. The exchange must be made--my despair for his strength, my glory for His.