To what end?

As much as I have loved my first few days in Chicago, I have found myself facing an interesting paradox. You see, my primary reason for the move revolved around making money to fund my grad school education. So I had contacted all my contacts, sought out all the part-time opportunities I could think of, and set myself up to “make the most” out of my time here. The more the better, right? So I landed in the Great Plains thrilled with the amount of work (and therefore money) I had ahead of me. Certainly my time would be a huge success.

Confronting my new reality has caused me to go into some soul-searching. Although I had a schedule brimming with hours “on the clock,” I felt a real emptiness and darkness about it all. As I delved into this discontent, I started to ask myself “to what end?” To what end did all of this work and money really amount to? What was I striving for? Here’s where my paradox comes in: although I moved in order to make money, it has become clear that money cannot be the end that I seek.

I discussed situation with a wise, honest, friend who pointed me in the direction of Isaiah 55. Suddenly I didn’t feel so crazy about my dissatisfaction. Suddenly my “end” became crystal clear. In the passage, God basically gives four clear commands to those seeking for an “end.” He says, “Come. Hear. Seek. See.” Come in your poverty and eat what is good. “Why spend money on what is not bread and your labor on what does not satisfy.” Listen and hear and “your soul will delight in the richest fare.” See that he has “endowed you with splendor.” Seek the Lord while he is here because his thoughts are higher than your thoughts, his ways higher than your ways. What is the end in all of this? “You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace…Instead of the thornbrush will grow the pine tree; instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, which will not be destroyed.”

Two things stand out to me as I apply Isaiah 55 to my own life:

1. Although the passage does not exactly pertain to money, there is a more than ironic emphasis on riches. Yes, money is important to me right now because I cannot escape the fact of having to pay for grad school. BUT, no amount of money I earn will ever lead to true wealth. My labor simply will not satisfy with monetary wealth as an end.
2. The alternative end suggested is unique in that it is eternal. It is more than being able to pay a tuition check or by my flight across the Atlantic. It is eternal joy, peace, and abundance of life.

Perhaps I felt empty looking at all of my work because I knew deep down that what I really needed was something eternal. The bills must get paid. The forethought must be considered. But ultimately my first priority must always remain “Come. Hear. Seek. See.” And in that God will unfailingly work out the details in ways higher than I could imagine and endows to me “with splendor” an abundance that money could never buy.